two mentees?

I fell like I'm actually in two mentor relationships - one w/ my highschool student "Sam" and one with my co-worker.

Now - here is the irony. I feared that the work with my co-worker would not develop into a mentor/mentee relationship as I thought the current climate at work would not support the development (or nurturing) of such a relationship - so I hesitated to "force it" by specifically labeling the relationship as such. I thought mentoring a student would be more "doable" for the purposes of this course and would also provide me with an experience that I've been missing (working with young adults).

Now - half way through the term - the "unlabeled" mentor relationship with my colleague is showing wonderful progress for both of us. We are both learning (about ourselves and each other), we are sharing our knowledge and helping each other to develop much needed and desired skills. We are working better together and with the team as a whole.

The "labeled" mentor relationship has, in the last couple of weeks, presented some difficult challenges. Sam hit some snags in her personal life and chose to avoid both school and me for a bit over a week (she would missed a face-to-face meeting and would not return phone calls). In the interim, I visited the school and spent some time with the office attendant and one of the teachers. I spent some time looking at the list of credits she still needs to earn and I found out that she has skipped several classes and assignments. So - what to do... I didn't want to "come down" on her... I feel it is important to show understanding of and sensitivity to the challenges that life is currently presenting her with, but I also feel it is important to not endorse giving up. The really challenging thing is that she doesn't think she is giving up. She isn't giving up all at once (as in quitting school) - but I see her giving up little by little (skipping class here, not turning in an assignment there, etc).

I was able to reach her by telephone yesterday. We spoke for a while - I just let her tell me what was going on in her life at the moment (many tensions and conflicts with her family... she has moved out of her grandmother's and in with her boyfriend and his family). I didn't want to have a candid conversation about her credits over the phone, so I tabled that discussion until we could meet face-to-face. We set an "appointment" to meet this afternoon at her school. They were doing the AIMS testing today... so I knew she would be there if I timed it right.... which I did.

We talked a bit about what's going on in her life and about how it is impacting her school work. I suggested that she set some more immediate goals - rather than just big dates like graduation and getting that drivers license, we worked on setting some weekly goals... one week at a time. So - for this week (rest of this week through Thursday next week... Because Thurs/Fri this week are "holidays" for "rodeo") - she is going to complete her driver's education packet (this is worth 1/4 credit). She is also going to sit down with her advisor/teacher (I spoke w/ the advisor/teacher and gave her a heads up on this) and make a map of the credits she still needs so that we can make a visual picture of what she is currently working on and how relates to the credits she needs. I think this kind of a visual will help her feel more in control of her progress toward graduation. She seems to loose focus on the big picture and then get easily discouraged when she re-discovers that there is still more to do. I'm hoping that if she takes a more active role in tracking her own progress, she might keep her focus better. I don't think my role should be to call her every day and make sure she gets to school... but I would like to find ways to help her take more control of her decisions and maintain a focus on the small things that will help her achieve the big thing.

The final thing we talked about was PO boxes. "Sam" is moving around a bit (grandma's, boyfriend's, boyfriend's family, etc). She talked about putting in a change of address form to change her official address from her grandmother's to her boyfriend's family... I suspect that this living arrangement will change sometime in the next few months.... so... I asked her if she had thought about a PO box instead... Someplace where she can receive mail regardless of where she is currently living. She did not even know that such a thing existed... which I find fascinating... I can't help but wonder if she's really never heard of one... but I'm working on suspending my disbelief... afterall she did grow up in a fairly small town and has not really been out on her own until this year.

Cross post from ARP journal - regarding Self Discovery

We worked on the outline for my colleague's online presentation today. It is going quite well and I see his confidence in himself and what he has to offer to others increasing. He is now interested in writing some white papers or articles for the eLearning Guild on some of the technical issues one encounters when trying to design online training with tools like Flash. I think this is an excellent endeavor for him to pursue!

I'm learning how to encourage without smothering and the more I work with him the more I'm learning about how to enable someone to accomplish something themselves rather than just do it for them or tell them all the steps they should follow to get it done. Most interesting is that I didn't realize that I wasn't doing that before, but when I look back on my interactions in the past, I realize that I have a tendency to either just clearly explain exactly how one should go about a specific task... or... if I have the time, I just offer to do it for them. I realize now that neither of those approaches is truly helpful in the long run. Sure - it means the task itself gets done and may get done quickly and correctly... but it also means that the next time a similar task needs to be accomplished I have not set up a situation where that other person will be better equipped to do it themselves. I think this is an extremely important lesson to learn and I am rather intrigued that I had not recognized the difference until now - or had not recognized that my actions didn't represent my own beliefs about learning. The echoes something I reflected on some time ago - that somehow the lessons I learned when I worked with students did not transfer to my work with professional colleagues. With students I made an effort to facilitate and enable their own discoveries but somehow I didn't transfer that type of action to working with adults in a professional collegial environment.

It makes me a bit sad that it has taken me so many years to recognize this. I wonder how many people I've hindered when I thought I was helping. Not much to be done about that except try to do better from now on.

Wolves... sheep... mentors... mentees...

As I read "Outlearning Wolves: Surviving and Thriving in a Learning Organization," I automatically related the story to my current work environment. Relating it to my mentee and her environment was not such an automatic response - in fact when I initially read the story my mentee did not even occur to me - perhaps because I am something of an outsider in her "organization," whereas I'm an "insider" in relation to the organization where I work.

Later, as I reflected on the story, I could see how it might relate to any number of situations, organizations, people, etc. It is sort of a "myth" in that way. I don't mean "myth" as "fiction" here. Rather, I mean "myth" as in an allegory for a universal principal or archetypical set of characters and situations. Maybe this isn't as dramatic as the story of the "hero's journey" - but does have some qualities in common with a good myth.

Note - I've decided to preserve my mentee's anonymity in this blog (since blogs are somewhat more public than Bb and other class communications). For the sake of that anonymity, my mentee will be referred to as "Sam" (a nice androgynous name... even though I've already identified her as a "she.").

In a case of reverse timing, I met with my mentee on Thursday afternoon - several hours prior to reading the myth of the sheep who learned to be smarter than the wolves. So, rather than have the story in my mind while I met with her, I have to reflect on our meeting with the story in mind.

This was a difficult week for Sam. Her three sisters came to stay with Sam and her grandmother as their mother (who Sam has not lived with for some time) became violent and their home was no longer a safe-haven for them. The added pressure of having to help take care of her sisters has caused Sam's advisor (also one of her teachers) to believe that she may not be able to finish her work in time to graduate in May. I understand the concern but do not necessarily agree with the way it was communicated to her. Graduating in May is doable if she can maintain her focus. She needs to know that given her current situation, there is no shame in taking an extra month or so and graduating in the summer - but she also needs to feel supported in her determination to maintain her focus and graduate in May. I understand the need to prepare her for the possibility, but I think that the way it was done was discouraging rather than supportive. My introduction to the situation was also a bit awkward. I had just sat down with Sam. I could tell something was wrong by the way she was carrying herself. I asked her how her day had been and she said it wasn't the best day. At that point her advisor/teacher came over and informed me that Sam was now set to "prove her wrong". I asked what the challenge was and was told that we would see if Sam "proved her wrong" by graduating in May rather than in June or July. This bothered me a bit because I got the distinct impression that there is now the hint of an adversarial relationship between her and this advisor.

We then went on to talk a bit about the possibility of using a regular editorial style blog as a way to work toward some English credit (I suggested a quarter credit only). It looks like there may be some obstacles there as well. Although she is in an "alternative" program, the English teacher believes in a fairly traditional model of teaching. She lectures and assigns short packets of work (mostly reading short articles and stories and then writing short and long responses to specific questions which are graded for spelling, grammar, content, composition, and answering the question). Apparently, Sam has already approached this instructor about perhaps writing some fiction or poetry and the instructor said absolutely not - as that doesn't meet the requirements for her class. Sam is enrolled in another writing class (fiction/mystery writing with a different teacher) - so she does have an outlet for her creative writing. I don't yet know if we will be able to work out some guidelines for the bloging that this teacher will feel are valid for "credit" - but I introduced Sam to www.blogspot.com anyway. She enjoys reflecting on things, so she may find the blog a fun outlet and a way to practice her computer and typing skills if not a means for credit. We are not yet giving up on the idea of credit.

After we worked on setting up her blog, I suggested a walk (around a few blocks) - just to get her out of there and give her a chance to talk without feeling like she was being "overheard."

We spent some time talking about how she might approach the more traditional work (English class again) and how she might approach working with this instructor (who she already doesn't like). We talked about some of the reasons why the more traditional work is also valid and how completing it might help her with her creative writing. I think this has more to do with a personality clash with the teacher than with the work itself - she actually likes some of the articles and stories she is reading for the class. So - we also talked about separating the work itself from the person who assigned it. She can read the articles/stories because she enjoys them (rather than avoid them because she doesn't like the teacher) - and she can answer the questions as a way of reflecting on what she enjoyed and improving her writing skills for the creative writing class (which she loves).

We also talked about what's going on at home (well - really I listened, she talked, I occasionally asked a question to help clarify my understanding). I don't want to put a lot of details in here (anonymity again) - but suffice it to say that while there are some real challenges that are not under her control, she does have a couple of very supportive people helping her (grandmother and boyfriend). We didn't get a chance to work on the material for the driver's license test - but I did find out that the program has a written packet for 1/4 credit Driver's Ed (no behind the wheel). Her thought was to take it after she got her license. I asked if she needed to earn her license to complete the credit and was told that only completing the work in the self-study packet was necessary for the credit. So - I suggested that she might want to do the packet first, as maybe it would not only help prepare her for the "real test" but also might help her overcome her anxiety regarding passing the "real test."

So - how does all this relate back to the myth of the learning sheep?

I'm still not completely sure - I sort of feel like Sam is part of two different "flocks" (family and school) and I am an outsider to both. I suspect that within her family she is moving from a position of being the passive (head down, don't make too much noise or draw too much attention) member of the "flock" to a position more like that of ... Oh maybe Curley or Gigi. She wants to be the brave and creative problem solver but she is still exploring that potential in herself. At school - she is motivated but easily discouraged - not so much the creative bellwether yet. I worry that her teachers are more like Otto than Marietta - so far out in front and offering lots of ideas but not exactly showing real confidence in the "flocks" ability to "really learn." Of course - most of this is based on my conversations with and work with Sam and only a few encounters with her advisor and one of her teachers. So - my analysis is bias.

Cross post from Bb

Generally, once I write something one place I'm a bit hesitant to simply copy it to another location... feels a bit like a cop-out to me. But - I'm getting over it. I'm finding more and more that observations and reflections from each of my courses (of course) also apply in some way (direct or indirect) to other courses and to life in general. I shouldn't be surprised by this; my whole life has been about looking for the connections between things, people, ideas, philosophies, etc. I could digress here to a discussion of physics or world mythologies...hehehe. So - time to get over myself and not be concerned w/ cross-posts... even verbatim cross-posts. I need to trust the the path and my progress on it.

So - here is a cross post from my latest mentor entry on Blackboard - I recognized as I wrote the final part of this entry that it was reflective and appropriate for a blog post. I have decided post (here) the plan, the question from Doc G, and then my response so that the complete context is preserved for later reflection on my part.

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Mentor Plan (still early in the journey):

Specific:
She has several things she wants to accomplish in the next 4 months. These include passing the written test for her driver's license, organizing and successfully hosting a school prom and/or graduation dance (the first one ever organized for this particular school), completing the credits she has remaining to graduate (1/4 history, 1/4 math, 3/4 elective, 1 English). She also has some less specific goals such as: becoming more familiar and adept at using a computer (internet, word processing, etc.), making some decisions about future path (college or other education beyond HS, career, etc.), work in the community (volunteer w/ community or just help family).

Measurable:
The specific goals related to school (organizing dance, earning credits, graduating) are easily measurable, as is the goal to pass the written driver's test and earn her driver's license. Other goals are perhaps less easily measured (computer use, decisions about future, etc.) but are not completely immeasurable.

Some forms of measurement include:
1. Pass written driver's test and earn license.
2. Successfully plan and host school dance.
3. Each individual credit (earned by 1/4) earned.
4. Graduate
5. Increased comfort and proficiency with the computer and the available applications on the computer.

Action Oriented:
As she accomplishes each of these goals she will move toward more self-confidence and empowerment. She will also move through several "rites of passage" from "child" (or "teenager") to adult (drive on her own, plan and execute a large community event, graduate).

Realistic:
I see my role as providing support and guidance toward accomplishing her goals. Initially our time together has consisted of us getting to know a little more about each other and me listening carefully to what she wants to accomplish and then providing some additional information that might help her achieve those goals. She does not appear to need "tutoring" but does seem to be interested in alternate paths and sources of information. I tend to ask a lot of questions about what she is doing and how she is approaching the various tasks she has set for herself - then I occasionally suggest where she might find additional information or resources. I'm also trying to help her set some dates by which she wants to accomplish certain stages toward her goals rather than just a final date (such as "graduation day").

Of course, her teachers and advisor at school and her grandmother are helping her achieve her goals as well - and there is a great deal of work she will need to do herself. As a way of both gaining proficiency and comfort with the computer and earning some additional English credit, I've suggested that she looking to staring her own "editorial" blog. She loves to write (although she doesn't care for formal English class) - so we've discussed (with her advisor) the possibility of her creating a topical (topic oriented) blog where she would post at least weekly (but more if she is inspired to). This would be a "public" place - so she would not post things overly personal or inappropriate for public consumption. I've also suggested various local theater and dance organizations (as she is currently taking both drama and dance and is very interested in pursuing both beyond her HS courses).

Timely:
The time allocated is reasonable. Although my own mentoring class ends on April 15, I will stick with her until either she finishes her needed credits or graduation day (early May) arrives (whichever comes first... although if we end sooner I will still attend her graduation). Some of the more specific goals (other than the final one of "graduation") can be accomplished long before my own class ends. We have lots of small goals along the way that will eventually lead to the big goal of graduating and hopefully making some decisions about the first few steps beyond graduation. We do not have specific dates for the smaller goals yet - we're going to look at some of those the when we meet again later this week.

Clarification question from Doc. G:
Sue,So your role is someone who interested in helping her meet her goals? She has established several, and your assistance will vary depending on her needs? Do you anticipate and obstacles?


My response/reflection on the questions:
Yes - I see my role as helping her to meet her goals... and also helping her to keep her goals in focus as she is presented with all the various distractions that come when one is 18, in a new city, meeting new people, and yet... still living w/ a parental figure. The more I meet with her, the more I come to realize that she needs a positive supportive adult who is interested in her goals... rather than the goals they might have for her (if that makes sense). Being an attentive listener has been very important so far and I believe will continue to be so.

With some of her goals - my assistance will be much more of the "guide on the side" (the school dance is a good example of that) - with others I may be more directly involved in helping her find and use the resources she needs to accomplish them (creating a blog for English credit and helping to negotiate that with her advisor and teacher, overcoming her anxiety about the written drivers test).

I hate anticipating obstacles because I feel like I might be setting the scene for them.... but I do think there are some distractions (such as a new boyfriend and the extra independence that might come when she does earn her driver's license) that might prove to be quite powerful. I'm also concerned that if she finds too much resistance (either from other students or from teachers and other adults) for the dance, she may give up on it and allow the disappointment to color how she approaches her other goals. I am encouraged though that she is not trying to organize the dance completely on her own (she has involved several other students and a teacher).

"Official" Mentor Entry #1

I really hate being so sick - it is hard to focus on one thought for more than a moment. This will be a short entry - just enough to build off of later.

I have found my mentee at the school where I worked (several years ago). I met with her prior to FETC and we got to know each other and talked about what she would like to do in the next few months. We were to meet again this Tuesday, but some class plans interfered at the last minute, so we will be meeting this Saturday at a local cafe.

This will be an interesting journey as she is a bright, vivacious, gregarious young woman with a very troubled history. Her over-arching goal is to graduate by May. This mentoring course, of course, ends in April - but there are more immediate goals which I can track for the purposes of this course (passing the written test for her driver's license, earning specific course credits, working with her to pursue information about her career interests, etc.). I have committed to stick with her until May - or until she completes all the work to graduate (whichever comes first). I felt it was very important to establish that I would not walk away from her when my own course work is complete - so there will be some overlap. I have the distinct feeling that as we work together, new intentions (I do like that word better than "goal") will make themselves known. I have the feeling that she is still holding back a bit, waiting to see if she can trust me. I think perhaps I am doing that as well - postponing our meeting this week might very well have been unavoidable - but this early on it is still hard to tell.

One thing that is obvious - I made the right choice in going outside the workplace for my "official" mentoring project. Thinking about mentoring and working on my own mentoring skills has had a very positive impact on my professional work relationships so far. I believe that if I had tried to officially mentor a colleague, this would not have been the case - as it would have meant singling out one person on the team and could have created additional tension with other team members as well as put undo pressure on the person I asked to be a mentee.