Time

Reflections on what is and isn't working and why.

I've come to see my work with "Sam" as more of a learning experience for myself than for her. She is not currently in a very stable place in her life right now and I can only offer her so much stability (so much of what she needs right now must come from within herself and not from the outside). If I were somehow able to work directly with her (f2f... not via email or on the phone) on a daily basis that might have some greater impact... but it might not. I do wonder if I were a present daily if she would come to view me as just another adult "trying to control her life." The question is somewhat moot though, as daily f2f time is not something that is truly possible. My work schedule is flexible but not that flexible - I am able to take some time a couple of days a week to meet her at school and work with her, talk with her, listen to her, and so on. I could provide some weekend hours, but more often than not, she cancels (at the last minute) any weekend times we arrange so I've become hesitant to schedule them as I think change my obligations to others (and myself) only to find that the change was not necessary.

So - how is my work with "Sam" a learning experience for me? My work with her has taught me to be much more mindful of how I interact with my colleagues. It has caused me to question my interactions with them and how I might improve them. It has caused me to reflect on the why I assume that adults don't want, require, or thrive from the same kind of support and guidance that feel is natural to provide to a "student" and/or young adult. Through these reflections - I've improved my collaboration in my workplace and have found that I have a mentor/mentee relationship right here in the office.

I don't intend to "give-up" on her and I will stick with her past this "official" time (for my course this term) - but I have to let go of the idea that she will make some kind of monumental change in this short time or that I will somehow be the inspiration for such monumental change. Instead - it's time to concentrate on small things... a couple of credits (or even quarter credits) earned, a few assignments finished that she didn't think she could complete, a driver's license earned (yes - still working on that one), maybe some increased since of self-reflection on her part. I need to figure out how best to inspire that last part.... I had to come to the realization that the blog idea was far more exciting to me than it was to her. She was excited "for" me - but when it came to actually creating and keeping a blog - several obstacles arose. These included her unease w/ keyboarding, her lack of access to a computer anywhere other than school, her dislike of her English teacher and the teacher's disinterest in awarding credit for anything other than her own official assignments. I now realize that these obstacles could each be overcome if there was a real desire to use the blog - but there isn't at this time and that is not something I can (nor want to) force on her. So - I now need to find other ways to help her become more self-reflective. I'm not sure how to approach that yet. I meet with her again tomorrow... perhaps something will occur.

Ironically - even those struggles have helped me with my other Mentor/Mentee/Mentor relationship - my colleague here at work has become much more self-reflective (or perhaps he has become comfortable enough with me to let me into his reflection process). I've watched him change his own approach just as I've changed mine. He is more mindful of his impact on those around him and on how he can work in a way that motivates and supports the whole group.